Friday, July 20, 2012


There comes many moments in life where we wanna be in so many places at one time. These moments forces you to choose and take sides eventhough you wish you could have the best of all the worlds.

Sometimes the choice you have to make is something your heart doesn't want to make cause the heart wants to choose the alternative but it really boils down to choosing what's right for you or thinking how your choice will effect the people around you. Choosing something you should do or choosing Something you love to do.

Now I have to prioritize so I can make better decisions in time to come.

futsal IPT league clashes with RSC Dingoes rugby.
utm futsal circuit on 20-23 sep, while Jonah Jones 7s rugby is on 22-23 sep
grand final futsal circuit is on 10-14 oct but Bali 10s is on 12-15 oct.

I'm just a reserve in futsal but I am obliged to futsal because it's a league and representing my university. We've registered already and my name will be blacklisted if I don't go. I will get allowance for representing the University.

In rugby, most probably I will get to play at least half of the time or even full time. I use money for flight expense. It's something I love.

My heart wants to choose rugby because it's my passion and I love rugby but futsal is my obligation since it's with the university and I already took a spot on the team. If I don't go, my name will be blacklisted, it will affect the university team and my image in the university, it's like I secured a place in the futsal team but only to back out. Besides that, futsal team will have shortage of one player and I would technically stealing the opportunity of someone else who is more committed and really passionate to play futsal.

I admit I got myself in a bit too much there. Next year masum options: softball, futsal, athletics. outside sports rugby, frisbee and captainball.

I think handball is totally eliminated. Athletics don't quite disturb other sports so it's ok, but it will definitely be eliminated once I have to choose between athletics and other sports.

Futsal and softball. For Softball, I definitively get game time...futsal, i'm a reserve.

I guess after the IPT league, I will start focusing on softball cause softball don't really clash with rugby. Oh well, this time around I'll have to take the bitter pill of my sports choice and not selfishly pursue my own hearts desire.
I was really looking forward for Jonah Jones and Bali rugby this year but it looks like I can't join this year. Tough call to make. What to do? who ask me to join so many sports?

What I learn? Do not get involved if you're not planning to stay committed, don't be greedy, be realistic, stick to one. Sometimes Less is Better because you can focus and you can wholeheartedly play the game. Being a Jack of All Trades but Master of None will force you into this kind of "opportunity cost" situations.

Monday, July 16, 2012

reconsidering my stand

Our masum softball match against UPSI yesterday,
Our coach always believe that we can beat UPSI but we are always not confident with our own selves so we end up losing to UPSI. We've met UPSI twice already and our record is very bad, almost near mercy rule. Coach said we have to play like it's our last softball game in our life. If we lose this we lost in our grouping.

We started 'Top' means batting first. Usually teams would like to play BOTTOM first so that the team will end the inning with batting aka a chance to score till the game time.
 Things was ok, we had 2 runs.
In the second inning we caught up and suddenly the game was very intense, we were leading and our morale was high, our confidence came back, HOPE appeared and we may have a shot in actually beating UPSI.

A bit of frustration with some silly mistakes and finally we lost. No one supporting us, a really loud and supportive UPSI gang cheering them on brought our morale down, leading from 7-4, we lost 7-11. If UPSI didn't have anyone cheering them, UPSI would still be having low morale and our morale would still be high and we would have won the game.

This is the first time in UM that the softball women team didn't bring any medal back.

Some of u know what a sore loser I am, When I lose in a sport, I will change sport. In standard 6, I lost 100m against Steffi, so after that I never ran 100meter, and that's how I move on to new events like 400meter, 800meter, long jump then to long distance 5km, 15km, 21km, then to walking, rugby, handball, softball. Stop a sport when I lose...

Now, I thinking am I still gonna be a sore loser? Do I really wanna keep changing sports and running away from redeeming myself? Have I come to a point where I am very disappointed in myself for keep switching sports every time I lose?

This year I lost COPA IBA too, so do I wanna stop playing captainball?

I've lost my faith, so do I wanna give up on myself and change religion?

My pendirian is if I lose in a sport, then stop and change sports. I think maybe it's time I rethink and reconsider whether I should change my stand,opinion, conviction, point of view, attitude.

I can't keep running away from my failures forever, If I fall down, it doesn't mean my legs are broken nor does it mean life has ended.

the lyrics from my favourite song (Life is like a Boat by Rie Fu)

"kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake"
Even when I think everything’s dark, I’m only blindfolded or
It would seem I was in the dark, but I was only blindfolded

things may seem bleak and futile but it doesn't mean I should give up trying and just because i think things are hopeless, doesn't mean the situation is really hopeless...

Monday, July 9, 2012

hep and masum

Softball masum centralised training this year has been totally different from last year. There's no training allowance, the guys and girls are separated, there's no morning assembly, there's no culture night, there's no daily updates on UM's achievements, the coach also is less strict, the training just doesn't feel like a camp, it's no so organized, we have to use our own transportation to go for friendly games, we have to use our own money to buy medical aids such as plasters, iodine and strappings. We don't have the full softball uniform yet and the jerseys is not enough, we have 14 players but 13 jerseys only. We even have to buy ice ourself. The food is not athlete friendly also, too spicy that even the Malays who love to eat raw chilli find the food too spicy.

Last year the masum centralised training was handled by Sports Centre.This year the masum centralised training is under HEP(Hal Ehwal Pelajar) and not under Sports Centre.

I guess HEP should allow Sports Centre to handle sports instead of HEP showing power and authority in something they don't really know how to handle.

Last year, all the basic sports requirement were given like full uniform, enough jerseys, free ice, first aid kit, strapping, and the whole environment made us feel like a real training camp and closer bond especially with other sport athletes and feel patriotic towards UM when we hear updates and the university's sports achievements.

Separating guys and girls into different colleges also is kinda funny, the coach has to stay far away, the team bonding between the guys team and girls team also almost don't exist and a huge gap in between.

Training with no allowance, no ice, no transportation, no first aid kit, no proper sports attire? It feels like the university is cutting cost, disorganized or they have no understanding in sports management.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

there was a cashier

I represented team Masum for softball in the ING National Open Softball Championship...I was the worst among the best. By God's grace I was selected to represent Masum<-- Malaysia Local Universities.

I didn't play as the main players, just a reserve. The coaches were more interested in winning than any other thing. Even when we were leading 18-0, the coach didn't let the reserves play in the last batting or inning (we started with fielding so should end with batting)...
M for men, W for women, just incase you didn't know how to read the results

here's a short story taken from

The following is a translation of a short story originally taken from a 2008 book by Haruhiro Kinoshita and posted on a blog called One Minute Impressions. The story struck a chord with tens of thousands of people across Japan as it spread through social networks.
There Was This Cashier
She moved from the countryside to go to a university in Tokyo. She joined many extra-curricular activities but always got turned off quickly . One after another, she jumped from club to club looking for something better.
When it came time for her to find work, she got a job with a manufacturing company, but she couldn’t continue working there. Three months after starting she felt she couldn’t see eye to eye with her boss. It didn’t take long for her to quit.
The next job she got was for a distribution company. She worked there for six months but came to realize the job was different than she had hoped it to be. Shortly after, she quit.
From there she joined up with a company that manages medical statistics and information, but this too didn’t do it for her.
This job just isn’t for me.
As this pattern went on and on her resume became an ever-growing list of companies that failed to live up to what she expected from a job. The longer her resume got the more difficult it became for her to get a job, until finally it was impossible to find an employer willing to take a chance on someone unwilling to commit to any job. However, if she couldn’t work then she couldn’t live.
Her parents suggested she move back in with them, but she couldn’t slink back home like a dog with its tail between its legs.
She signed up with a temp agency, but she couldn’t even get through temporary work. Wherever she went, she would quit if she had the slightest problem. Her record of former employees grew faster with each temporary job she dropped.
One day, she received a new job offer through the temp agency. It was sent to all of the agency’s workers who were a flight-risk like her. The offer was working the checkout at a supermarket.
In these days supermarkets didn’t use bar codes. The cashiers had to type in the prices for all the items by hand. It took a bit of training, but after a week she had already gotten tired of typing into the register.
This is way too easy. I can’t keep doing this.
This time though, when she got that feeling she realized that she had already changed work a lot in her life. She had grown to dislike herself for not having the patience to hold a steady job. She had to continue working here.
Hang in there. This is your last chance.
However, as much as she tried, she couldn’t continue. She made up her mind to resign. Soon after, she received a phone call.
“It’s time for you to come home,” her mother said.
Hearing the warmth in her mother’s invitation through the receiver, she made her choice. She began to pack her belongings to return home. After that she would tell the supermarket she quit.
She had accumulated a lot of things in her long time in Tokyo. While putting her stuff into a cardboard box she found a notebook in the drawer of her desk. It was her diary from when she was a young. She used to always write in it. She remembered looking for it a while ago but thought it was gone for good.
Flipping through the pages she saw written: “I want to become a pianist.” It was her high school dream.
Back then I used to practice every day to become a pianist.
For some reason practicing piano was the one thing she could continue doing. Still, somehow, without her noticing, she had given it up. She compared those days of chasing her dream to her life now, and she became disgusted with herself.
What happened to the me that used to have hopes and dreams?
Her adult diary had become nothing but a long list of discarded employers. Rather than recording her dreams she was carrying a record of her half-hearted attempts and failures. She knew things weren’t going well but she didn’t realize how low she had sunk until then.
Look at me now, I’m running away from a stupid cashier job.
So she closed her diary and went to call her mother. “I’m going to stay here a little longer,” she said choking back the tears. She put aside her resignation and decided to go to work the next day forcing herself to be happy punching boring numbers into that boring register.
Just a few more days will be good enough to know for sure if I want to continue.
Doubt and excuses would sometimes slip into her thoughts.
When I studied piano, I would make mistakes again and again, but I kept at it until my fingers memorized the keys. After enough time, I could play the piano without looking at my hands.
Remembering those days she set a goal for herself.

Alright, I’m going to master that register like I did the Piano.
She studied the button combinations to hit for every item the supermarket sells. She committed the arrangement of the keys on the register to memory. Then she practiced.
After a few days she could type fast. Then she didn’t have to look at the register any more. Her attention began shifting to the customers.
Oh, that customer came yesterday too…
Her hand typed in the price of a dozen eggs by itself.
…only this time she brought her kids.
She could see a lot from her post now. It became her secret pleasure. Her fingers would dance across the register like a professional pianist’s would. As her eyes studied the people she began to notice more and more details about them.
Here’s Ms. Only-Buys-Things-On-Sale.

Well, if it isn’t Mr. Comes-Just-Before-Closing-Time.

Here comes The Honorable Lady Buys-Expensive-Stuff.

One day, ol’ Mrs. Buys-Things-Just-Before-Their-Expiration-Date came to her register, only this time carrying a fresh and expensive fish.
“What’s the special occasion?” she blurted out to the old lady in surprise.
Mrs. Buys-Things replied, “My grandson won an award for his swimming, we’re going to celebrate. It’s a nice fish isn’t it?”
“Yes, congratulations” she said, unaware she was gently smiling to Mrs. Buys-Things. This is when she found the pleasure of communicating with her customers.
After a while she had memorized all the customers’ faces and picked up some of their names. She started to help them with their shopping.
“Hi Mrs. Tanaka, you’re sure you want to buy this chocolate? We have some cheaper stuff over in aisle three today.” she said. “Also, you’d be better off buying chicken rather than fish today.”
And all the customers in her line appreciated it, thanking her as they went to rethink their choices. The more she interacted with the customers the more she enjoyed going to work at the supermarket.
One day, she had a feeling that it was busier than usual, but she kept to her work and enjoyed talking with all the customers who came through.
The manager came over the intercom; “We apologize for the crowds. Could customers please move over to the empty registers?”
A little later the speaker repeated, “Again, we ask you to please move to the empty registers.”
After a third announcement she looked up. As her hand typed in the price of three tomatoes she could see five other cashiers waiting by empty registers but all of the customers had formed a long line to hers only.
The manager rushed onto the floor and said to the customers, “Please, if you would just go to another register, you won’t have to wait.”
“Oh go away,” said Mrs. Ito who only buys milk in glass bottles, “the only reason I come to this supermarket is to chat with this young lady. I don’t want another cashier.”
Upon hearing that, she broke into tears.
Mrs. Ito continued “The other supermarket up the street is cheaper than here, but I come to talk, so if you’d be so kind, I’ll just wait here.”
At this point, she was crying so hard she couldn’t work the register. For the first time, she saw how terrific a job could make her feel.
It wasn’t long before she got promoted to checkout manager.
Now she continues to teach new cashiers the joys that are returned to you by putting care and enjoyment into your work and customers.
Original Blog: One Minute Impressions (Japanese)
Original Book: (Japanese)