Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Fear of friends

Well, it's been quite a busy holiday, I've never had a busier holiday in my life!

This is also my first time going out so much especially with friends. Last time I would usually say no when people ask me out cause I have a lot of people who is out there to get me mar...You'll never know what they are going to do to you especially when they are in gangs...Yeah, I do have trust issues. Trust no one in order to avoid getting hurt. I'm very open, people may accept me as friends but I do not necessarily acknowledge them as friends.

This time, after a terrible One and a half years being in SMK SP, I finally decided, what can be worse than Sri Pantai? And so, I let myself go into the cloud of "dangers"...all the risk and stupid fears...Letting myself into the gangs was a bit scary but after some time the insecurity left and I begin to realize that all my fear about going out with people is not rational.

Even during the BGC Grow camp, I would sleep the latest and try to be the first to wake up...all for my security. There was one morning where I was still sleeping and Shi Fen(if i'm not mistaken, that's her name or is it Issabel?) woke me up. I was surprised and asked her why did she wake me up, she could have woke up everyone and left me still sleeping...(revenge). She said, "Why would I do that?"...wasn't I annoying and sarcastic towards you?

I grow up in Amma's house with 6 boys. Carakporn, Wira, Prince, Kumaran, Sanjeev, Thira. Being the only girl I would have to be tough and always look out for myself. It was survival for the fittest and a dog-eat-dog world. It was hard always trying to not be left behind. You gotta watch your own back and protect yourself. Loyalty was the most important element to stay alive.

btw: when I said gangs I meant cliques and Amma is like my godmother/babysitter/nanny/guardian, I grew up in her house.

Bully, tomboy-ish, discriminate, aggressive, I am a very loyal person-->behind all the bullying and discriminating, I actually care about my friends. If someone from a different gang disturb my friends I will protect and stand up for them...I kicked a boy in primary school because he disturb my friend and in secondary school I physically fought with a prefect outside school because he disturb my friend. It's funny, it was the exact same friend-Nabila Huda seems to like getting into troubles...LOL

Like Lya Atira says, "u bully but at the same time protected me what.."

Hilda means– battle maid (English). In Scandanavia, it means protector,valkyrie. In Germany it means Variant of Hildegarde: Battle. Glorious, warfare.

Friday, December 25, 2009

what about Christmas?

it's Christmas...
I always ask myself, has Christmas become so self centered now? We ask "What do you/I want for Christmas?"
. It's Jesus Christ's birthday therefore shouldn't we be asking the BIRTHDAY boy/man what does He want for Christmas?
Takkan people's birthday we tell the birthday person what we want for their birthday! LOL The correct question should be "What does God want?"..after all it is HIS BIRTHDAY that we are celebrating! We enjoy the holiday and celebrate/party without realizing that we sort of ignored the birthday person. All God wants is YOU aka US, not our works/service/deeds...But in all that we do, we should remember that all He wants is you/us. He's more interested in us than our offerings.

The modern society says "I can't believe it! They just can't take religions out of the holidays!"

Many people don't realize that the origin of the word 'holiday' is 'HOLY DAY'. There are usually holidays for special religious occasions su
ch as Christmas and Easter. Sometimes people forget the real meaning of these special days, maybe the meaning is covered up by all the other things such as Christmas decorations and Easter eggs. Many people just don't the point, Perhaps they would even cut the Christian bit out of these(Easter and Christmas) holidays if they could.

But you can't. You see the CROSS is the CENTRE of the Christian message. Jesus was born at the first Christmas for the purpose of dying at the first Easter. On the Cross, the Bible teaches that Jesus took the punishment for all the wrong that we have done.

The Roman soldiers who crucified Jesus placed a sign on the top of the cross: "This is the King of Jews." They didn't realise how true those words
were.They mocked Jesus and even gambled with dice to see who would take Jesus's cloak. Finally they took a spear and rammed it into Jesus's side to see if Jesus was dead.

Jesus wasn't the only ONE who died on the cross that day. On both sides of Jesus, the Roman soldiers crucified 2 theives, perhaps they didn't realise the significance of putting Jesus in the centre, but that's the place Jesus deserves to have in our lives too.

One of the thief realised this and turned towards Jesus. He asked Jesus to remember him in the Kingdom to come. But the other thief joined the soldiers in mocking Jesus. He turned away and would not accept that He is the LORD.

Later Jesus was buried in a tomb but on the thrid day they found that the tomb was empty. Jesus had risen! Now through trusting in Jesus, our sins can be forgiven and we can have the best Christmas or Easter gift of all: LIFE! Both a meaningful life now and an everlasting life
to come.

Christmas isn't Christmas till it Happens in Your Heart!
lyrics & song: jimmy & carol owens.

Christmas Isn’t Christmas
'till it happens in your heart,
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts;

So give your heart to Jesus,
you'll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas Really Christmas for you.

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire,
A light like a candle's
He's waiting now to come inside
As He did so long ago.

Jesus brings gifts of truth and life
And makes them bloom and grow.
So welcome Him wi
th a song of joy And when He comes you'll know ..... that ...

Christmas Isn’t Christmas
till it happens in your heart,
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts;

So give your heart to Jesus, you'll discover when you do

That it’s Christmas
Really Christmas for you.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Genting Highlands

would u believe me if I said I was in a helicopter? haha, it's the cabel car! the background not so clear cause of the mist...

normal day clear view from cable car...

I spent about a full week in Genting Highlands...haha
Five days for Bangsar Gospel Centre Youth Fellowship (BGC YF) camp and 2 days for trip with old school mates :)

Remember there was sports camp, Girls Camp and YF camp and I was in a dilemma? I was really in the dark about sports camp and ended up not going for it. Girls camp and BGC YF camp was clashing. I plan to go skip YF camp and go for girls camp and I was so looking forward to Girls camp but i was "trick" by God.
My CG member, Kathryn who is like my little sis ask me to go YF camp and so i felt compelled to go cause I really sayang her. But a few days before the YF camp she said she cannot go...aiyah!

Anyway, camp was fun and all, met loads of new friends, catch up with loads of old friends. Tried to help everyone mix around, shared experiences and personal testimony, learnt many truths and saw more about my past.

I always told my self, I will never be proud of SMK Sri Pantai. I didn't understand why GOD place me there, I simply couldn't comprehend it. It is through this camp that it was revealed to me that There was a certain Purpose that I was placed in SMK SP. He was breaking me, asking me to let go of the one thing that I really cling onto and don't wanna let go. I can let go anything and everything all except this, it is all I got, the only thing I possessed which is MINE! My reputation which is my pride and myself.

I learn also that personal testimony is powerful as it really shows and proofs how our GOD is REAL in our life. I found out that Austin was a bully too and both of us shared to each other of how GOD came in our life and changed us. It was really amazing!

The gospel can be heard and found but personal testimony is felt and experienced and it shows that our GOD does not just talk the walk but our GOD also WALKS the TALK! Our God does not just stop at saving us but HE also takes care of us after that. God of the universe , earth, air and sea care about the tiny insignificant beings aka Human. Really Cool!

Man cares about achievements but GOD cares more about relationship.

SIN not only breaks our relationship with God but IT also breaks our relationship with PEOPLE.
Adam and Eve blame/accuse others, Cain murder Abel.

Now a bit on Genting trip with friends:
Me, Kaushal, Brian Chin, Grace, Jue Lee, Rayna, Shu Ming

Genting was tooo misty that we couldn't go to the theme park, so we ended up playing in the arcade, watch TV, play Taboo, play pool.

My first time playing pool. It was fun...
We played Taboo till 4 am...LOL.

Next day we wanted to go to the theme park but the mist was even more thicker. Visibility was so limited and there was strong wind. To open the window, one had to continually push the window and with pressure some more. If you let go, the mist would push the window shut like a mouse trap speedily closing when the food is nibbled. I was so surprised and couldn't recognise it as Malaysia...haha. While we were in the Cable car, we couldn't see anything, it was just white everywhere.

picture 1

picture 2
picture 3see? this is the view from the cable car window.
picture 1 is the most misty, view facing downwards.
picture 2 is second misty and picture 3 is least misty. view facing upwards center,
In Picture 3, the line on the window panes is the cable string. View facing upwards side, if u look properly u can see a cable car infront on the left string.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Phoolan Dewi

heys all, so, what have I been doing lately?
I've been reading. I read twilight and a super duper real history on a super woman. Phoolan Dewi. It made me cry.
The awesome biography of her is entitled, "I, PHOOLAN DEWI"
Super story and really real. A story on the social status of women, caste and abuse, injustice and corruption. She went through all the worst. Very inspiring to me and my favourite book :) there's a lot of Courage and Will to continue on with each breath. My super hero/heroin! She's got all my respect.

Phoolan Devi was born into a poor, low-caste family in Uttar Pradesh, living in a world that gave more respect to a stray dog than to a woman. At 11, she was married off and endured beatings, rapes and persecution. She survived being kidnapped by bandits and became one of them, learning how to shoot like a man. She also found love for the first time, but her lover was brutally murdered. Without his protection, she was paraded naked through villages and gang-raped; but she survived and for three years claimed retribution for herself and all low-caste women, before negotiating her own surrender. After 11 years in prison, she is now free to tell her own story.

"What others called a crime, I called Justice" Phoolan Dewi

A female Robin Hood, a modern day count of Monte Cristo -Phoolan Devi, the notorious Bandit queen of India, has become a living legend. Enduring cruel poverty and degradation, Phoolan Devi survived the humiliation of an abusive marriage, the savage killing of her bandit-lover and horrifying gang rape to claim retribution for herself and all low-caste women of the Indian plains. In a three-year campaign which rocked the government, she delivered justice to the rape victims and stole from the rich to give to the poor, before negotiating surrender on her own terms. Throughout her years of imprisonment without trial Phoolan Devi remained a beacon of hope for the poor and downtrodden, and in 1996, midst both popular support and media controversy, she was elected to the Indian Parliament.
For over a decade journalists, biographers and film-makers
have found the power and scope of Phoolan Devi's
myth irresistible. Now finally she tells the story of her life
through her eyes and in her own voice.
'A stunning tale, and all the more amazing for being true.
It will make you cry, it will also make you cheer'

For more info on Phoolan Dewi, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoolan_Devi

Monday, December 14, 2009

personality defines pain!

Another news I read on the google news which was interesting:

London, Dec 14 (IANS) A sportsman in the heat of moment plays on through pain even when it would floor anyone else. Similarly, some people seem to suffer from long-lasting pains when others are better able to cope. How can that be?
New research says that each of us experience pain differently at different times.

Irene Tracey’s group at the Oxford Centre for Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) of the Brain has used brain imaging techniques for a number of years, aiming to provide an objective measure of individual experiences of pain.

The latest results demonstrate that people’s personalities matter in their experience of pain. People who are more anxious or worried about feeling pain have differences in connectivity within their brains that make them more susceptible to actually feeling pain.

The team applied short laser pulses to the feet of 16 willing and healthy volunteers just at the point where they started to experience the pulses as being painful.

These brief laser pulses were applied 120 times to each volunteer, and around half the time the volunteer would declare it was painful and half the time not — even though the pulse was exactly the same every time, says an Oxford Centre release.

MRI brain scans during these experiments show that the volunteers’ brains were more active in pain-processing regions when they described the laser pulses as being painful — so this was a real experience and not down to any report bias or artefact.

These findings were reported in PNAS.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

edu fair...

Woohoo! It's the holidays! Lemme tell you what happened ok?
Yesterday I went out with Heather Foo to yum cha at Paparich about 10pm. We bump into Gayathri and join her too :) We had some talking, minum and light makan till about 11-ish nite cause Gayathri had to go home. So, Heather and I moved to Mc D and cakap² about furthering our studies la. Then Heather said she is going to an education fair the next day at PWTC and invited me to follow.

Today I was suppose to meet Heather Foo after church around 11am. The speaker overshot and church ended at 11.30pm but it was really interesting la. Thank God that Heather woke up late and SMS-ed me at 11am that she'll be at 11.30 at BV2. Haha, perfect timing! We went to paparich, sat down and looked at the Menu then deciding that it was too expensive so we out to Devi's Corner.
Haha, enter a restaurant and sit down, look at the menu then ciow! How annoying right?

At Devi's I asked the waiter, "What do you recommend?"
He said: nasi briyani
it was so pedas(spicy) and it was RM7...gila la.

Heather and I walked to Lrt BAngsar and took a train to KL Sentral and took a KTM to Putra. Walk aimlessly and found PWTC...haha. We walked and walked and walked and talked to counselors. So tiring la.
We bump into some familar faces as well. Yasodha, Megumi, Choon Meng and Sheng Teng.
Here's some option which I looked into:
Mass Com, Accounting, psychology, Law(LLB aka bachelor of Laws).

UM booth was so busy and the man/counselor didn't know much so he just gave me a brochure and told me to go to the website...haiz.

I finally understood the difference between CAT and ACCA..haha. Thanks KDU.
The lecturer at ATP was so young and informative...cool!
Mass com's counsellor at IACT was nice.
Cima accounting counsellor was good as well.

Exploring options in case my STPM's 50-50 chance fails to get me into a local Uni.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


What's the plan, what's the plan now that I'm on holidays?
erm...short term...
Read online books and comics/manga, watch drama's, oversleep, TV, stay over at people's house, lepak around, do some exercise la.

I dono abt dramas and comics la cause it involves the usage of the computer. I have to share the computer with Prince la so it's not really practical.

longer term plan...work loh...must be productive mah and to earn some cash to spend, Woohoo!
Get more info on Uni and courses la cause I don't know what to do or where to go. I feel like I kena campak in the middle of the sea and am suppose to find my way to the shore. So many options to choose and I don't know where to go or what to do. I feel really lost and without any sense of direction.

It's kinda funny, a few years ago I was so confident in which direction to go and so convince that I didn't have any back up plan but then GOD came and kind of closed that way...that's why I feel as though I am thrown into the middle of the ocean with no idea where to go or what to do.

Something I learnt today!
Today at church, my care group(CG) member Kathryn Gan said "You didn't tell me you had a haircut!"
I was like "Huh, hair cut also wanna tell ar? So, I must tell you when I am going to the toilet also ar?" And the usual sarcasm. I've never heard such theory before, so I started asking around, "Cut hair also wanna tell people wan r?". Surprisingly people said "Yeah, to my best friend la..." I was stunned. Jaw drop, Huh, like that also wanna tell people wan r?

This was really something new to me. Maybe cause I don't really have "best friend/s" or cause I'm antisocial...
So tip number ONE on "Best friend manners"
1. Always inform your best friend if you have a hair cut...hahaha.

Some of you may disagree with the fact that I am antisocial. I don't blame you, it's just my outer appearance. I do have many hi-bye friends but I don't really have best friend/s although I may have a few close friends. My close friends are more like pen pals actually. Ask Prince if you don't believe me..haha

Friday, December 11, 2009

the final stpm paper

the final day of stpm. I din know BM had to do with memorizing tulisan JAWI. Anyway at least that's over.

I cut my hair today. I didn't cut my hair since SPM 2007, so that makes it 3 years of growing! My hair reached my bellybutton...LOL. Now it's shoulder length and I don't really like it la cause I look like a small kid with my new hairstyle.

Why do hair stylist ask you "how do you want me to cut your hair"?
I mean, they are the hair stylist ma, so they should suggest or recommend which hair style looks best with our face or feature la...

Hope to find a job next year...recession effect still hard on Malaysia, so I dono. Just hope for the best. Work 3 months, weekdays only and end at 5pm. That's what I want...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

We love our country but does our country love us?

I read this news while reading the news online. "We love our country but does our country love us?"

Doc: Umno should be glad. After years of repeatedly unsheathing the 'keris' at Umno assemblies and telling the 'pendatang' that if they are not happy with the Umno-promoted concept of 'Ketuanan Melayu', they should just leave the country. Guess what? The 'pendatang' have heard the call and are leaving, and will continue to leave.

Eddy Daud: If anybody else wants to go for whatever reason, please be reminded that nobody is stopping you from going. The world is your oyster and if you think you can find happiness and political freedom free of discrimination and race-profiling in Australia, the US, the UK or Europe then by all means, please go.

To anybody who hates this country, warts and all, just do not hesitate to go without making too much noise, okay? Goodbye and good riddance. Malaysia will be a more peaceful place without the likes of you. I am a proud Malaysian who will live and will be buried in this country when I die.

PM: MCA must consider BN's interests

Tsc: Shouldn't the government's top priority be the people's interests? Why this request for MCA to care about 'BN's interests'? This tells a lot about the BN government in that it doesn't have the people's interests at heart.

They only care about holding onto power so that they can continue to plunder public money. And of course, to prevent the opposition from getting hold of power and exposing their wrongdoings.

source: http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/119240

Thursday, December 3, 2009

last heavy paper :)

Pengurusan perniagaan 2. This is the paper with the most craziest rubbish I wrote...haha. The examiner will have a easy time marking my paper. Neways, today was the last heavy paper. Next week would be my last 2 papers and it's objective! Yay!

I feel so relieved.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


yeah, my macro paper was definately better than my micro economy paper la.
Tomorow is my last HEAVY paper-->Pengurusan Perniagaan.
After that I will be left with BM 1 and Pengajian Am 1...both objective paper :)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

secret aptitude UPSR test?

Something I read:

Last week when the results of the UPSR were announced, something was not. I'm referring to the "aptitude test" the candidates who were compelled to take on the last day of the UPSR examination in September.

Just weeks before the examination, the Education ministry in announced that an "aptitude test" would be held at the end of the UPSR and all candidates must sit for the test. The aim? Well, according to the ministry was to gauge decision making ability of candidates. The decision to have the test was obviously sudden based on the announcement which was well, abrupt.

But the ministry was quick to allay fears or concerns by saying results of the test would not be included in the overall results of the UPSR, i.e. whatever marks scored in the test would not have a bearing or any impact of the UPSR results. Even though the test was to be held for UPSR candidates at the end of the UPSR examination.

That being the case, why have the test in the first place? That was the question that ran through my mind when I first read about the test when it was reported in the newspapers. And the reason for the test--"to gauge decision making ability" baffled me further. I mean we are talking about year six students here. What big decision are they supposed to make? And to test their ability to make decision? These are 12 year olds for goodness sake.

I was made to understand even teachers were confused and didn't know what the test was all about and what on earth was the reason for it. However that was that. Nobody made any noise and the test was indeed conducted on the UPSR candidates on the last day of UPSR examination as instructed by the ministry. As scheduled.

How was the candidates tested for decision making ability? Well, the test was objective as well subjective. Candidates were required to answer many questions. More than 50 including questions on what they like. For example. Arts, music, etc. One question was on how or what the candidate felt when they look at the country's situation now.

How all that can gauge their decision making ability, its beyond me. But then what do I know? I'm just a free lance writer who never went to university. And definitely I'm no educationist.

Anyway moths passed and as we all know the UPSR results were announced recently. But as said earlier, minus the results of the aptitude test as promised.

So what ever happened to the results? What ever happened to the need to know the decision making ability of our kids? Did someone actually go through the aptitude test papers ? Were there results in the first place ? If so why the silence? Who's looking or studying the results? What for ?The whys and whats can go on and on.

Maybe to some, it's a small matter and I'm making a big fuss over nothing. Still there must be answers. Surely the children who took the test deserve to know how did they fare. (By MOHSIN ABDULLAH/MySinchew)



Thursday, November 26, 2009

bm n pp. 3rd day of papers.

I sat for 2 papers today: BM 2 and pengurusan Perniagaan 1.

here's a preview:

BM2: after I got into the hall and looked at the questions. I just wanted to walk out of the hall.

PP1: I look at the questions and then prepared to sleep but then my conscience kept telling me not to give up so I die die also just crap all the best that I could.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Sej 2 STPM

Sejarah paper 2. This paper includes sejarah dunia and sejarah Islam.

Although it was not as easy as I expected but That won't kill my spirits.

I have a bad feeling:
The man examiner with glasses which have thick black frames is really scary. He look at me, I look at him, he look at me, I look at him...haha, he might think I'm so suspicious and think that I copied or let people copy....haha, I wouldn't be surprised if he really suspends my results. He even talked to the main examiner and pointed to me with his finger and that main examiner looked at me.

But it's ok la, I'm still positive and this won't affect my spirits.

log on to this to read more on my second STPM paper experience:

Monday, November 23, 2009

STPM first paper

Yeah, my paper started today.
And I updated it on my other blog which is all bout my form 6 life.



Neways, here's a preview of it.
I woke up feeling so low and drag myself to school. At school, I felt like just going back home and skipping the paper. I don't know why I felt that way. I never felt that way before in my life...haha, really feels weird!
But I didn't do that la, it would be a waste of time and effort in Form 6 loh.

There was construction working noise and it was disturbing. Besides that, announcement to ask the STPM students to get into class was really killing me. I couldn't concentrate and of cause, the thread of ideas also stopped there for a while. The Muslim prayer shouting on the P.A. system during the STPM paper was really annoying and gave me headache. The school is really not a good environment for doing examination.

OH ya, don't forget to read "I am Appalled" while you're at that blog.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

2am to 6am

My sister came back from Johore yesterday night...We talked and talked from 2am to about 6am. Haha, it was fun and funny and really just a sister to sister conversation. Yeah, hanging out in my attic is fun.
We talked till we had headaches...haha. Then we were so exhausted and slept so soundly that she missed church and I missed my extra class in school.

If I had the luxury of time I would share what we talked about but unfortunately for you readers, i have STPM to study for.
Tomorrow is my first paper -->Pengajian Am paper 2.
Okies people, I got to glue my eyes to notes and books and graphs and pie charts. Bye!

Btw Prince(my younger bro) is in Indonesia now and will be back in Dec.