Thursday, September 22, 2011


my ko-k class this year is kemahiran orator bm aka Malays orator skills. It's like public speaking.
Ko-k is extra curricular activity. Sports students cannot take sports..LoL, so left with arts, singing, dancing, musical instruments and public speaking.

Well, to tell you the truth, the main reason I choose it was the timing was convenient.

However I do fear that I might fail this course. It's great that there's no grade->it's just pass or fail and I think we have to perform/present during ko-k day.

I've been quite bad at presentation in classes and once I took part in my secondary school BM debate team (my friend entered my name when I wasn't in class!). That was disastrous. I was in form 5 and we were against form 4s and our audiences were form 1 students. Once I started my debate speech, my tears was pouring out non-stop but I forced myself to finish my points. How humiliating?

Yesterday, the lecturer asked us to do a 3 minute speech on "kenangan yang tak dapat dilupakan" aka unforgetable memory. My speech was on my Anatomy and Physiology success. I'm sure you kind of predicted the outcome right? Yes, my tears were about to roll continuously and my voice sounded like I was about to cry anytime but I forced myself to finish my speech. Once again, very embarrassing!

The lecturer said I "menjiwai" aka passionate or reliving the experience or was so in character that's why I almost teared and my voice was like I was ready to cry any time soon.

I think I have the fear of public speaking. Glossophobia or speech anxiety is the fear of public speaking.
stage fright!

Speaking of fear, i wanted to share this story too:
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you. 

i guess the girl who got raped was too traumatised so she didn't identify the rapist.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

palapes navy um waste time n money

hey everyone,

Great news that Internal Security Act (ISA) and the prepaid phone 6% service charge has been demolished.

Every night, I've been to Dataran Shah Alam for the National Rugby practise...And I do thank God that I found a cheaper and nearer alternative ;D

Yesterday we had Palapes Laut training and it was a plain waste of time. We had to wear our "PT" uniform.
pt uniform
and we basically did nothing. Just sat in the hall from 7am to 1pm. No class, no lecture, nothing...Just sitting in the hall. Waste of time ok!!!! I could have studied, do notes, prepare for next class, or even read a book during that 6 hours. Besides that, the new kids laugh at us (because of our uniform) and of cause they  thought we were the caterers...How humiliating! On top of that, we have to pay another rm400++ for our new uniform. Not refundable! You know, I've been calculating and about rm 700++ of my PTPTN money last year has been used just for PALAPES. The "hours" (term mean money we get from training) we get from PALAPES is much lower than that. This means it's a lose lose situation and the money the Government loan for education was misused on silly things for PALAPES LAUT UM. This is a very bad investment. I must find out how to get out of this soon...

One of my classmate has Dengue, she's not warded so i'm guessing it's not that serious yet since the doctors are not flushing into her Intravenous fluid (IV fluid) and there's no checking blood 2x a day. I'm not sure if her gums bleed when she brushes her teeth, but mine did when I had dengue in 2009. Of cause my face and body turn red too, but I don't know about her cause I didn't go visit her. I know when I was sick I didn't want people to see me cause I didn't want people to see me when I'm weak and look at me like as though I'm going to die. Maybe it was pride...hymmm....So, anyway, all I can do is Pray for her...

This semester one of my lecturer has been really lecturing. Literally lecturing! Oh my, so I guess his subject is gonna be a memorising one since I don't understand what he is lecturing in class.

Monday, September 12, 2011

full moon n mid autumn

happy mid autumn everybody! The Mid-Autumn Festival, on the fifteenth day of the eighth month (lunar calendar); a traditional Chinese holiday when people gather to enjoy the moon, drink wine, and eat moon cakes.

Faye Wong and Theresa Tang sang this song, don't know what's the title but the lyrics translation;

When will the moon be clear and bright?
With a cup of wine in my hand, I ask the blue sky.
I don't know what season it would be in the heavens on this night.
I'd like to ride the wind to fly home.
Yet I fear the crystal and jade mansions are much too high and cold for me.
Dancing with my moon-lit shadow
It does not seem like the human world
The moon rounds the red mansion Stoops to silk-pad doors
Shines upon the sleepless Bearing no grudge
Why does the moon tend to be full when people are apart?
People may have sorrow or joy, be near or far apart
The moon may be dim or bright, wax or wane
This has been going on since the beginning of time
May we all be blessed with longevity Though far apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

or  Su Shi's poem

Thinking of you
Mid -autumn of the Bing Chen year
Having been drinking happily overnight
I'm drunk
so I wrote this poem
For memorising my brother, Zi You

When will the moon be clear and bright?
With a cup of wine in my hand, I ask the blue sky,
In the heavens on this night,
I wonder what season it would be?

I'd like to ride the wind to fly home.
Yet I fear the crystal and jade mansions
are much too high and cold for me.
Dancing with my moonlit shadow,
It does not seem like the human world.

The moon rounds the red mansion,
Stoops to silk-pad doors,
Shines upon the sleepless,
Bearing no grudge,
Why does the moon tend to be full when people are apart?

People may have sorrow or joy, be near or far apart,
The moon may be dum or bright, wax or wane,
This imperfection has been going on since the beginning of time.
May we all be blessed with longevity,
Though thousand miles apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

Friday, September 9, 2011

gold, ktm, scholarship.

Aha, so let me give you a few updates.
Something i found out about myself and my mom...we can only wear GOLD's true...I was thinking why do my ears feel allergic when I wear earings...maybe cause it's been a long time that I'm not used to it. Then my mom told me it's and her can only wear Gold..Ooo...

next thing..
ktm train
rugby practises are now every night at Dataran Shah do I get there? By KTM loh, then one of my team member who's kind enough will pick me up. I go back by team members who are kind would send me home...My mom said she wanna cook for them,

yayasan tunku abdul rahman
Now that I got the BTAR(biasiswa tunku abdul rahman) <-TAR foundation scholarship aka YTAR...I stopped ptptn. Apparently scholarship recipients have to pay lump sum...Wah! crazy oh...I was planning use part of my scholarship to slowly pay back ptptn but NO, PTPTN doesn't allow that... WHAT THE? I want to pay back slowly also they don't let...So now just hope they allow me to postpone the paying back loh...I think it's a stupid policy that we have to pay lumpsum only, hey let us pay secara ansuran also la...So, i owe the gov about Rm12 k...rm12000.00, twelve thousand!!! Wah, if i get blacklisted then i cant travel out of the country to play rugby la... Damn! I wanna pay back but Gov don't want accept ansuran and then they threaten to blacklist....karenah birokrasi betul lah.

Next thing, still on the scholarship... compulsory camp on the 23-25 sep, Just found out today, in this camp we are going to get information on important issues regarding the scholarship...But the timing is clashing with Borneo 7s la... Ooo, I wanna cry already...If I'm not in the Borneo 7s team then I can't go to the Asian Championship in India...btw, i'm talking about Rugby...

Oh ya, did you know that all prepaid services now have 6% tax? that includes top ups...meaning If I wanna top up rm 10, so I have to pay rm 10.60

Friday, September 2, 2011

cooler than you

I like this song...Cooler than me by Mike Posner.

You never say hey,
or remember my name.
its probably cuz,
you think you're cooler than me.

I'm sure many people would remember me as a proud and cool girl.
Ya, I don't remember people's names cause I think they are unimportant and not important enough for me to remember. I always tell people; I won't remember your name, in a while I'll forget your name so don't bother telling me your name. 

I'm so much cooler than you...

Ya, I think I'm cooler than you. I used to be so sarcastic, cocky and look down on so many people, I used to think I'm so cool and introduce myself as "Famous Hilda Hew Mun Foong"

"Hilda is so pretty"

"You're awed by my Awesomeness"

But now, I dropped the Famous and quite a few people were surprised... But I'll say Owh, I'm so Famous that I don't need to state the Famous part of my name, or I used to be Famous but now I'm trying to be humble...

Actually what happened? I lost my confidence and self esteem. Even in sports, I lost my confidence that i'm good. I now just want to be unnoticed and stay in the background, don't want to stand out no more. Maybe it's something good or maybe it's something bad but whatever I think I'm different now.

I listen to people nowadays, last time it was all about me...
I'm think conversations still ends end being about me but now I try to avoid talks about me...divert people and  end up talking about them...cause I think people just ask questions with no desire of knowing what's going on, they just ask for the sake of asking or to get the talking begin...and all I did was to bag about myself instead of knowing others.