playing hard to get

Hey people,
You know in movies and dramas when you're with someone else, it's then that you realize who you really love? Yeah, that's the thing I realized.

There's a magnetic force pulling me over to HIM.
I don't want to let go of HIS hand, I don't want to lose Him,
I secretly wish and hope that He will win. I secretly hope He will not let go of my hand even though I may let go of His hand.

I love my God very much but right now SIN and PRIDE is in our way.
I realize without my God, my life sucks just the way it sucks right now.
I remember when I was a atheist and I remember how my God saved me from THAT horrible depression which was the most bitter part of my life which I never ever to go through again.
"Please don't leave me, don't let Your Spirit reject me. YOU'RE EVERYTHING TO ME"

But I'm playing hard to get. I secretly don't want HIM to give up. I secretly want HIM to win.
I want myself to be proven wrong.
I don't want HIM to let go of my hands even though I let go of HIS hand.

I love You LORD, I love You but sin, rebellion and pride is between us now.
My life really sucks without You, LORD! I want YOU, LORD!